winter thoughts

Президент Литви Гітанас Науседа та прем'єр-міністр Естонії Крістен Міхал зранку 23 серпня прибули із візитом до Києва напередодні 35-ї річниці незалежності України

:3

THE SMEEELLLLLLL after this thunderstorm 🤌🤌🤌

...

DEF should add bi4bi and t4t to 'stupid identity page'

TES

In Oblivion paralysis is an illusion spell, because you convince your opponent they cant walk.

In Skyrim paralysis is an alteration spell, because you prevent your opponent from walking.

In Hammerfell paralysis is a two-handed spell, because you make sure your opponent never walks again.

it is not a waste of time to slow down

re: 🎥 You Must Protect A Family From Cryptids For 3 Nights they're outside - Aswang Hunter

Filipino from my mom’s side. She was born and raised in Cebu. My mom grew up in the rural mountains. She told me tales passed down from my Lola and Lolo when I was misbehaving. Some of these cryptids I recognized. Most of them are types of aswangs. These creatures hunt pregnant women, and shapeshift into humans during the day. My mom said they’d turn into what the unborn fetus would’ve looked like during their various stages of life be it a child, teen, or adult. Another I recognized is the sigbin. The aswang often kept them as pets.

---

RecoveringNeurotic

today's sun feels like autumn sun again :)

my mind just casually imagined a whole book in our dream and i was there like "DAMN what a cool plot..... i wish i would create something like this first..."

like ??????????

backlog+

1. 🔖 Prospice : Anomalous Logistics locations ARE SO FUCKING GOOD..,....... SO INSPIRING.......... LIKE....... I SHOULD FANTASIZE ABT THEM

2. to check Gas Station Case

i'm pussy, i am what i eat

😭😭😭

SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FLYING BITCH I'M WATCHING NEW CHILLA'S ART GAME LETSPLAY

i have enough things in my mind to witness

i don't want to sabotage my .... progress i guess, because it's hard to not to invalidate myself right now (thanks Baph for spotting these moments o7)

but

i feel .... like i can do things. at least, more things than usual. and not just in my half-dead functional mode. just do them and be there in the process when i need (unless it's something too useless and stressful LMAO)

i'm basically forcing my way out of dissociation to healthy, my kind of escapism like fantasies and drawing.

it is still an escapism, but to fantasize means to be in my own head, to witness what's there. not ignore or suppress or silence everything.

paradoxically, this kind of escapism brings me closer to myself, and safely at that. and i missed it. i didn't even realize i can loose this tool in dissociating, because fantasizes were here for me all the time. and turns out, it's not an effortless thing - to use them again.

and at the same time, as i think of IFS model, i try to not to hate or reject dissociation either, because man, this is how i survived after all????

yeah. fragments of myself exist there for a reason. IFS propaganda works B)

(just kidding)

those random (re-)realizations how much i love games in general, specific games, how much i owe them, how many times they saved me, how -----

gets me all emotional af

special interest being special for real

my ass is a no-flight zone

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

something very therapeutic about drawing my characters going through abuse i lived myself (or close to it). even storyboards without justice afterwards. just searching how to visualize the horror they feel.

the strange thing is i'm not even triggered. only witnessing my feelings from afar (not dissociation) without being consumed by them. i mean, i know artistic forms help with this stuff, but i didn't really draw the whole abusive act as a storyboard before!!

and! i realized i NEVER draw abusers as creatures or entities or whatnot.

i base some of my local folk creatures at real people (and pets), but never ever at abusers.

they are always humans (or any other regular species if in fantasy context), because there's NOTHING deep or supernatural about the abuser in the act of abuse. they are just fucked up people that commit horrible things.

tho the act itself, its conscience, injustice - yes, i draw them in more metaphorical way often. maybe because these are concepts, not people.

damn, i should explore this more in myself.....

чад спірітс вс бета годс

2 energy drinks + whole pack of cigarettes + endless grief + overwhelmingly familiar music ok repeat = night art session

music is my special interest forever

дата підпис

Vivienne Mort and Shayfer James both remind me that

1. i'm bi

2. i have a voice kink

why are they so GORGEOUS!!!??!!!!!! 😭

this quiet under the night-time curfew is not malicious

темно, вітер крізь дерева, кузнеці, в░░░░, небо та зірки видно поза хмарами

сьогодні був хороший день ^_^

there is a small road within a 'forest' here, and usually it's lit, but tonight!!!!!!! it's dark af!!!!!!

so thought to myself FINALLY I WILL LURK AROUND LIKE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER AND IN A FOREST NEAR MY VILLAGE!!!!

but then i realized: people still walk here, i don't want to bump into them or freak them out 9_9

decided to use my flashlight.... but damn.. cityfolk..

loud again 9_9

🎥 The Sad And Pathetic State Of The Elder Scrolls Online

ah yes. true classics: Cotho roasting ESO ^_^

дім — це кладовище, написи на могилах якого ти знаєш напам'ять

ти прокидаєшся у глибокій осені: пожовкле листя збирають і палять

смужки випадково голого тіла дряпають довгі пальці зими

ми залишаємось вдома

бо хто інший, якщо не ми

ці порожні провулки

ці спустошені втратами вікна

цей тривожний свинцевий біль, який ніколи нікуди не зникне

щоб хоч трохи не чути його, ти обираєш слухати втому

наша сила в тім, що ми повертаєм своїх додому

не почуті слова любові, дурацькі невчасні жарти

ця війна підсідає п'ятою на нижню поличку плацкарту

ставить поруч відро, в якому віник й осінні квіти

дім — це місце, з яким ти продовжуєш говорити

і записуєш в телефон діалоги — не закінчені та уявні

ти ніколи не знаєш, які обійми виявляться останніми

чию другу дату побачиш

кому куплятимеш сухоцвітів

бережи себе

якщо що — перетнемось на тому світі

---

надія глушкова

РОЗ'ЙОБ Т______Т

#food

яблучний пиріг за 36грн!!!!!!!!!! і матча :)

today's sun feels like an autumn sun again :)

who am i kidding

i WON'T survive in Morrowind

FUCCCKKKKKKKKKK YESSSSSS evening air.... surrounded by the trees...... the smell of overheated land finally cooling down.... it's like i can breathe again

ok so i realized that the moment i start writing something creative (like fiction) is a sign of progress in my relationship with the language i'm learning (or re-learning)

i mean yes, skill progress too, but here it's absolutely secondary. focus is on an emotional aspect rather than just intellectual. like trusting new language to be a tool to describe things i've created inside of me, and they simply do not exist until i shape them

this step is both natural and surreal. every time i think i've got used to it (as i experienced this moment with other languages before), i prove myself wrong - it's unique to every language

(and totally fits my "floors and stairs" visualization of skills lolz)

🎥 Shift at Midnight

EZSmall never fails to make me feel at least a little bit better ^_^

i HAVE MANY THINGS TO SAY RIGHT NOW BUT INSTEAD

HATE

HATE

LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️капібара в поштоматі‼️‼️‼️‼️

i'm glad i endure heat a little bit better: at least i don't feel like i'm going to faint. but also i'm upset i'm getting used to the hot climate!!!

i miss being cool (pun intended) with extremely low temperatures, and i'm afraid i could be less ready for -35°C like i was before.... it's like something in me is dying.... because connection with northern nature is an important part of my national identity, almost as much as my language and history

not to mention getting used to the heat is absolutely fucking devastating bc it's like a constant reminder about global warming becoming worse and worse and worse irreversibly (no, i don't believe humanity will realize how fucked we are to fix everything in time)

cool night air feels like heaven

місто ≠ село, і це ніяк не виправити

it's already 2. elokuuta, why don't i feel alive? ;_;

всьо, нахуй все, буду слухати Відьмака

mental health tips and tricks (in my sleeve) i forgot to write down (for myself):

• change alarm, timer and notification sounds from time to time. same with text (if available to customize in notification text), colors (especially for notes and not widgets). because many of us start to ignore too familiar stimuli, which means we should change things to stimulate our brain!

• widgets are extremely helpful for important information. hiding info into folders means we have a big risk to forget about them

• do not try to make perfect streaks in habit tracking apps. we should have time for randomness, and breaking the streak often means loosing interest or motivation. try "at least 5 times per week" instead of "every day."

• setting minimal versions of regular goals helps: if you feel exhausted to make a full 15-minutes exercise, then make this task's minimal version: 10 push-ups

today's sun feels like autumn sun

good

your nervous system is a pattern detector, not a truth detector

DAAAAAAYYYUUMMMM

🎥 What Is It Like to Be a Guard in Skyrim?

what the fuck THIS IS SO COOL?!!!!?????

Skyrim + voiceacting + normal moderation + genuine roleplaying with like-minded people???????

i mean i knew about such Skyrim & Morrowind mods, but i didn't realize the COMMITMENT of some people, and the whole COMMUNITIES behind it...

what is good for me? what makes me feel good?

.....